Play Calvinball

In list form...

1. Lists are used too much and should be banished.

2. Moving boxes is not a fun activity. Cardboard is slippery and hard to grasp unless you have grizzled, cut-up, callous hands.

2a. The most important piece of clothing you can use and own when lifting is... the belt, specifically the belt buckle. How, you ask? Well, I'll tell you. When you lift, first, use the knees and not the back. Secondly, when you have to go from a side grip to a bottom grip for more support, the easiest way to make that transfer is by temporarily resting the box on your belt buckle. That is why mine is made of metal and steel... and brawn.

3. I watch way too much television now. I am not too happy about this but am trapped by this flickering box for there is nothing to do in a 6 mile radius of me... and that is the boundry of this four bedroom prison.

4. I was having a conversation with a guy in the warehouse who has been working for my dad for a long time. He was mentioning the nuances and facial gestures that my pops makes when he is agitated. The highlight was the "Head in his hands because he's angry"... much like is exhibited here:


5. Congratulations to all those youngin's who graduated last weekend. It was weird to see Facebook pictures of y'all at the Capitol in your caps and gowns (haha, you were wearing gowns, you girly girls).

I should probably start focusing on specific topics as opposed to making lists. But too effing bad.

That got your attention, didn't it?

Okay, so in the last couple of weeks, I have been subjected and persecuted by an onslaught of jorts (aka jean shorts) that I was not prepared to deal with. And I came to a realization...

* The jort industry is kept alive by two completely opposite factions of people: Warehouse workers & Rappers. *

Okay, the latter first. If you see a rapper in a music video and they are from the South (e.g. Ludacris, Lil' Wayne, Anyone on the Disturbing the Peace label), they will nine times out of ten be wearing jorts rather than khaki shorts (with the occasional outfit of peacock pants and football shoulder pads [Name that Video Reference!]). That's just how it is. Don't ask me to explain it; I am not a hip-hop-ologist.

Now, on to the people I associate with: Warehouse workers. A standard warehouse will have: high ceilings, physical labor and no air conditioning. Therefore, shorts are standard fashion. This is so because... khaki shorts stain easily, sports shorts don't have pockets and men don't wear skorts. Therefore, the denim prince will reign supreme in the warehouse.

This is silly, I am well aware. But this is what I notice when I am taping up cardboard boxes and shipping retractable home awnings to dealers in Tuscon, AZ.

PS If you've never used a tape gun in your life, you are a pretentious prick and need to get your hands dirty. Go get one and tape up some boxes. You'll learn something about yourself.

Here comes the randomness:

1. The new family show has become 'Judge Judy.' It is a disgusting reality show where Judy Sheindlan "practices" law, and by law I mean yelling at people, not letting them answer questions and instead of hearing answers, make them say something stupid or insult them. This, however, will always be second place to the penultimate reality show... COPS.

2. It is probably fifteen times easier to get pot in New Paltz (population: 15,000) than the greater DC area (population: 4 million).

3. Bottle Cap Bocce could conceivably take over Kings as the staple drinking game within the next 6-8 years.

4. Corey Feldman is the voice of Donatello in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live-action movie, circa 1990. Chew on that for a little bit...

5. I know too many people with May birthdays... which means their parents got knocked up in August... which is typically when most families go on vacation... which means that in a weird way, Disney World and the Jersey shore can be considered aphrodisiacs. (That's a stretch, but you know what I mean).

And our Final Jeopardy category is... Literary Devices.

Our answer is "Neil, a trap! Sid is part alien!"

Though most of you may already know, for the uninitiated Google (the search engine) is attempting to take over the Earth. There is:

- Google search
- Google maps
- Google photos
- Google underpants
- Google clothing (FUBG - For Us By Google)

But this isn't about any of those. It's about Google mail. Integrated into their mail interface is Google Chat, which is like AOL Instant Messenger, minus the advertisements and messages from SxyChixHawt4U informing you about enlarging your 'magic stick' 3 to 6 feet.

Anyway, on your Google Quick Contacts (which is like a buddy list), you can set up a Status, similar to an AIM away message. It's usually more about your current location and mood rather than anecdotal, which AIM messages tended to be.

Okay, on to the nitty gritty.

1. The Quote / Word of the Day: Worked for a while and then died. Should've pulled the plug on that earlier but I didn't. Too bad.
2. Margalit has picked up the slack with her daily movie quotes. Well done.
3. Brevity is the key to effectiveness.
4. Links... typically don't work out so well.
4a. NSFW - Not Safe For Work. A key label for links that will get people fired if opened at work.
5. You know it's a good gChat status when the following people make fun of it (typically in this order as well): Jack, Tim, Shiel, Lee.

At the low, low price of free ninety-nine, you too can learn to make delicious, homemade gChat statuses, in your very own home!

*Brought to you by Ron Popeil*

Addendum: Actually, Point 5 should read Saltz/Jack in the first position for they often tie on gChat status updates. I apologize for this omitting this fact.