Play Calvinball

Courtesy of my cousin, Nicky B, Northeast Regional Sales Associate for Eclipse Awnings System... but also the kid who was shooting a potato gun off so that my other cousin can catch the spuds with a baseball glove:

Mike was going to be married to Karen, so his father sat him down for a little chat. He said "Mike, le me tell you something. On my wedding night, in our honeymoon suite I took off my pants, handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here - try these on' She did and said, 'These are too big I can't wear them.' I replied, 'Exactly I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night we have never had any problems."

"Hmmm," said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, "Here, try these on." She tried them on and said, "These are too large. They don't fit me. "Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that." Then Karen took off her pants and handed them to Mike. She said, "Here -you try on mine." He did and said, "I can't get into your pants." Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass attitude, you never will."

And she lived happily ever after.

Who knows you best?

Your parents? Your girlfriend? Your co-workers? For most people, it probably will be one of these people... but for some I have the answer.

Your e-mail account.

Bear with me for a moment. I have Google Mail and I pretty much save everything I get:
* Forwarded messages from my dad's work account with hilarious online videos
* Order confirmations from my Greyhound bus tickets down to DC
* Drunken e-mails I've written

Your e-mail account knows all the silly things you said, all the comments you made about someone behind their back, all the cliquey e-mail groups you are a member. It's seen you at your weaker moments (e.g. pleading with someone for help on a term paper) as well as your strong, empowering moments (e.g. responding to passive-aggressive requests with fire and brimstone).

E-mail fights with parents over money, Roommate squabbles, Craigslist bartering. These are all things that your friends might know about... yet, they don't see your exact arguments and retorts. And that is what makes all the difference... For, like many things, it's not the thing itself but rather the context, or syntax or meaning or whatever fancy literary term you wanna use here. So, how you write an e-mail (punctuation, bullets, paragraph breaks) says a lot about you. WHAT exactly it says about you, I don't have a friggin clue, but it probably means something.

It's easy to lie to yourself... but your archives display who you really are under it all.

PS In hind sight, it might be a bad idea to save everything. Curse Google and there ever-expanding gigabytes of free space.

I always wanted to get to this point... but never could.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nR2ygFn-yR8&eurl=

PS The scene starting at 5:47 in the video is, to me, simply poetic.

They are useless... except for killing time at work.

Top Three

3. Perry Bible Fellowship - http://pbfcomics.com/
Offensive, Dangerous, Gonna be insulted.


2. Married to the Sea - http://www.marriedtothesea.com/
Subtle, Confusing, Might be lost and need to read week to week to understand but worth the investment.


1. Toothpaste for Dinner - http://www.toothpastefordinner.com
Nerdy, Sarcastic, Most likely to have you burst out in an unexpected laugh

So, let me do this. I am gonna skip the Ultimate part (because we sucked) and go ahead and jump right into the transportation situation I made for myself.

The few weeks leading up to PD, Shiel and I had discussed various modes of transit. We considered the plane, the rental car, me pulling him on a rickshaw and we ultimately decided to wait until the 4 days before to make any sort of concrete decision. That being said, Mr. HopStop got some deadlines dropped on him which left me in a pickle of a dilemma.

Thank You, Internet. On Rec.Sport.Disc (an Ultimate community forum), someone had put up a post offering a free ride from anywhere between Boston, MA and Versailles, OH (where PD was taking place) with the intended path of going through upstate New York (e.g. Rochester, Buffalo, Syracuse). I contacted the kid organizing it, and persuaded him to stop in Albany to pick me up (a mere 90 minutes from my house).

Funny thing is... we never really confirmed a place in Albany to get me until that morning. So, I got on the road at 6:30am, made it to Albany by 7:45am, and waited in the parking lot of an empty mall for over an hour for the bus to arrive. [Side Note: Whenever I drive to Albany, I always listen to the same CD there and the same CD back; Kanye West 'The College Dropout' and Dr. Dre's '2001,' respectively. I do this because I-87 is one of the most boring roads ever and these CD's are upbeat and catchy from beginning to end].

Anyway, after waiting in the parking lot for an hour, the bus rolls up. It says "United States America" on the side and "Ground Force One" on the back. Basically, it's what President Bush will roll up to NASCAR events in after his term. I jump on the bus at 9:15am and immediately regret my decision.

While these kids were drinking and fun and stuff, they had a little nerdy twang to them. Now, once being a nerd myself, I can't really condemn them for it but... I'm going to anyways. But they were very inviting, messin' with me right away (probably because they were all drunk).

So, we play some RoShamDrink, then some Boggle, both of which I am terrible at playing. Couple hours later, we pick up some hippies in Rochester. Then we switch bus drivers in Buffalo. Then we spend 45 minutes at a Flying J rest stop in Northeast Ohio. I quickly came to the realization that these kids (most of which are college students) are not seasoned travelers and need frequent breaks. I later realized that the frequent stops were a result of driving restrictions and regulations imposed on the chartered bus operator.

Moving on... left New Paltz at 6:30am, left Albany at 9:15am, arrive in Versailles, OH (Google Map it, it's hilarious) at 9:15pm.

Then... stuff happened. Lost all our games, Chicken Dinners, Mr. Cluck (which I should've won!), yada yada.

Okay, ride home. Another debacle. So, we finish early (because we lost) and everyone had left by 1:00pm. Bus didn't leave until 6:00pm. So I sleep, walk to the fair, watch the finals and generally kill time. Around 4:15pm, I find the bus kids and fall asleep while they play some bastardized version of Uno. Turns out... the bus, has been waiting around since 1:30pm, but since there was one kid that we couldn't get in contact with, we couldn't leave earlier. Bullet, meet skull.

Ride home was just sleeping, which was nice. Got enough sleep to function at work the next day. THOUGH... we left Versailles at 5:30pm, I got to Albany at 6:15am, home by 7:45am and at work by 8:30am. THAT... was not a fun day. And the one thing that confuses me is HOW it is possible, that it took LONGER when we made less stops and drove through the dead of night? Can someone explain that?

So, basically... the old saying "Nothing in life is free" held up because I lost my sanity... and I left my DVD's on the bus.

PS I watched a game of RoShamMakeout. Then I found the nearest bottle of bleach and dumped half a gallon of it into each eye.

PPS Snaussy, Cheese and I are holding DOWN Ultimate alumni (and pseudo-alumni) events. Alumni Weekend, Fool's Fest, Regionals and now Poultry Days. Shiel comes in second and Ed VanLeer a close third.

Man, where have I been?

Okay, more to come next week. Heading to Poultry Days, a fun Ultimate tournament in Versailles, OH.

And just to clarify, it's pronounced VER-Sales. And don't try and correct the locals; they don't like being told by out-of-towners how to say the name of their town.

But, I do look forward to friends, frisbee and funneling beers.

Stories will be told on this forum.